I Am Thankful...

...because this year's Thanksgiving sequel is pretty much the complete opposite to last year's The Worst Thanksgiving Day Ever
...because this year we did take a day to reflect on our blessings and spend the day with the people who are family
...because this year we had an oven that worked to make food. This year we DID have turkey and stuffing and gravy and pumpkin pie

...because this year we have a large vehicle that works great and got us through the flooded streets without a problem

...because this year the house was full of laughter and cheer and dancing (lots of dancing!) - no tears of frustration

...because this year while I was in the kitchen helping to cook a Thanksgiving Day feast, I could hear staff and girls alike singing praises to Jesus during morning worship

...for a team who constantly reflects the love of Jesus to the world around us, even when it gets tough, and the job seems a thankless one; people who have become like family, from housemoms and cooks to social workers and counselors to teachers and administrative staff and our day guard/groundskeeper - last year we were 4 and have now grown to 14

...for the girls whose lives we are able to impact, even without knowing how far the ripple effect will go, who hold a piece of my heart wherever they are and will ever be - all 22 of them

...that we live in a time of technology and communication with family and friends "back home" is easier than ever

...that God has called me "for a time such as this" and that He keeps increasing opportunities and gaining ground
...that there are good days that outweigh the bad and times of rest when our souls need refreshment

And I am thankful for Miguel.
cliche, I know. 

But he has stuck around for ten months, through the chaos and tears and happiness and smiles and frustration and anger and laughing and dancing, and somehow managed to keep up with it all and still want to get down on one knee and ask for a lifetime of putting up with me. If this year has been any kind of reflection of how the next 10+ will go...baby, hold on to your seat cuz it's gonna be a wild ride!

It's hard to know where to stop. We wouldn't be here without the worst bad days. We wouldn't be here without a reason bigger than ourselves. 
And I Am Thankful. For the pain as well as the joy.

To quote last year's post:
"One thing I know - He is everything. The Son of the living, active, doing God. 
He is strength. And He is peace in the storm.
He is the one who commands the winds and the waves to be quiet and tells the father of a dead daughter, "Do not fear. Just believe." 

Refreshment

A week ago yesterday, I was at the office for my first day of work back after three weeks of vacation covering most of the month of September. Those three weeks were very much needed and last Friday as I made rounds of conversation with each staff member, getting updates on how things went while I was away, they all commented on how energized and refreshed I seemed! And I definitely noted the difference in myself as well. God is good! 

The first week and a half of vacation was spent traveling all along the northern states from MI west to WA. God in His amazing way worked out the entire trip so that I was able to visit everyone I had on my list to see this time around, and more! 

I landed in MI just before midnight on a Wednesday and was able to spend Thursday with my parents and four younger siblings, catching up on what's happened since I was last there for New Year's.

Less than 24 hrs after landing in Flint, I was on the road in Micky the motorhome with two of my brothers and their wives heading to ND for our cousin's wedding taking place that Saturday.

We arrived Friday evening at our sister and brother-in-law's place joining another brother and his family who traveled up from TX, another sister and her hubby, and several cousins and extended family. It was a fun-filled weekend with lots of laughs, memories, and celebration!

On Monday morning my best friend from childhood and I stashed our stuff into her car and hit the road heading west to MT to visit our other bestie. We burst in on her little home early evening and stayed awake til midnight talking and catching up, even though we had to take off at 5 the next morning for a day trip to WA. 

Some very good friends of ours' little toddler son was in the PICU in Seattle and I didn't want to miss the opportunity to visit them since I was "so close" anyway. Tuesday in Seattle was a cheery, sunny day and the few hrs. spent with our friends was worth the 16 hr round trip. 

We got back to our bestie's home in MT in the wee hrs of Wednesday morning and spent the next two days chilling and making memories with her and her sweet little family.

I was home in ND once again by Saturday, in time to spend the day at the farmer's market with my sister and niece. 

That Sunday I was given the opportunity to share at my home church, Northland Harvest Church, about some of the things God has been teaching me in the work here. The following Sunday was spent with the body of believers at Open Gate Church who have been faithful in support and have sent many prayers our way. Both times were such sweet hours of refreshing spent in the Holy Spirit's presence and receiving uplifting encouragement from many people I hadn't seen in a year. 

The week in between those two Sundays was filled with precious time spent with my sisters' and the rest of my family who lives in ND. Mixed into all the time of rejuvenation, both in needed alone time and needed family and friends time, I gained a deeper gratitude for each person who has been so faithfully supportive of this journey God has set me on. When I first got to ND for my cousin's wedding, several people commented on how quiet and withdrawn I seemed. To go from that to hearing staff and girls, three weeks later, comment on how energetic I was when I got back to my Dominican home is the kind of soul refreshing time only love through people can bring.

In the week since being back, changes keep happening in the home and ministry as a whole and the strange feeling of being halfway through my two-year commitment has hit me. Next year, I will need to make a decision as to whether or not to continue working here with this ministry. My boyfriend and I have been praying for clear direction for both of us, separately and together, in knowing what opportunities God has for the future in ministry, location, and life in general. Yesterday morning as I was journeling, God reminded me of how important it is to wait on Him. Sometimes we don't know what the future will hold - whether it will continue the same or change - but waiting on Him is the discipline He always teaches me when these questions start coming around and my "wanting to know" tendency kicks in. 

Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!

Update

There are so many times I wish I'd have more time to send out updates more frequently and I apologize that it goes so long in between. 

This past month has been stock full and incredible. I still think I could write a book and each week be a chapter while each month is a section. Pretty much every month has had a theme, and this last month has been no exception. It's been a month of progression and breathroughs. 

We've connected with another church in the area who has a very focused youth program. The pastors are a couple who come from Puerto Rico and have had extensive experience in spiritual warfare, dealing with troubled youth, working in women's prisons, etc. and the wife has been doing further intensive discipleship with our girls. They ran a two week youth camp the end of July and we've seen so much spiritual breakthrough as fruit of that. We've had girls who have been very involved in witchcraft (not uncommon here) and the spiritual battle is very in our face right now but it's also been so amazing to see these girls' lives change. They want something else, they want to be free. They're learning what true power and real love is and the change is so evident, in spite of the challenges. 
Two weeks  ago I had the honor of sitting down with one of our girls who told me, "Rose, I haven't done as many bad things as some of the girls here, but I know I've done wrong and I want to change." For twenty minutes I walked her through the meaning of repentance, forgiveness, and salvation and she gave her life to Christ! Since then, she's been so thirsty for all things God. Her questions come in by the boatload and there is a change in her demeanor. Our little tough cookie who has been with us the longest made a similar decision at camp a few days later as well and even in the midst of the spiritual battle, there has been an evidence of peace in the house that has been different than before.

Even so, nightmares at night are happening again and I'm asking for people to begin fasting once a week while we fight this battle. Mark 9:29, "These kind only come out by prayer and fasting." 

More changes this past month has brought is a revamping in our staffing. We brought on a Dominican employee to train as a social worker and will become accredited by child services and be able to work more efficiently in resolving papers and doing family checks. Additionally, we have a volunteer case worker moving down in a week. Together they will be taking over everything regarding managing the cases of each girl and meeting with the girls and aftercare staff to track progresses. Since we are constantly getting more cases and more girls need follow up, we're all excited to be able to better develop our social working program. On top of that, another learning center teacher is coming down (also this weekend) to help our learning center manager further develop our classes and extend the activities that fill the girls' days. We're excited for the addition and to have two amazing teachers working with the girls intentionally. 

If all goes well, come September, I'll be able to take three weeks off! I'm looking forward to sharing personally with many of you all the things God has been doing and continues to do and all the doors He keeps flinging open right in front of us. 


Onward we go!

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

"You find out a lot when you ask them what they want to be when they grow up."

It was one of those little bits of insight that has stuck with me for years. When I ask that question to each of the girls as they come in to our care with their own stories it proves to be one of the best measuring sticks to go by. 

I sit down across from them, look into their eyes and ask, "What are your dreams for your future?" 

Monument of Christopher
Columbus in the Colonial
Zone of the capital city in
the Dominican Republic

Some don't have any clue. They might pull out a version of "I wanna be a firefighter" - like when we were kids and the entire adult world was a wonder. And just like when we were kids with no real idea of what we actually wanted to be when we grew up, their "I wanna be a dancer" changes the next day to "an astronaut", "a teacher", "a doctor", etc. 

Some do have a dream of what they want to be but have no idea of how to achieve that goal or don't know what it actually takes to get there. Like the little one who has always wanted to be a nurse but is in her late teens already and hardly knows how to read or the concept behind 2+2. It's hard for her to grasp that in order to actually become a nurse she has to dedicate hours to studying and advancing her education. She would rather be using her creativity in designing jewelry pieces or painting nails than practicing reading or mulitplication. 

Cool building in the
Colonial Zone

Others come in knowing exactly what they want to do and have answers that are very real and very probable. Like the tough one who wants to join the military. The people she has surrounded herself with are people who hold positions in law enforcement and military personnel. She knows every requirement and expectation and has focused all of her energy, time, and attention to that dream. 

A measuring stick. Insight into their world.

Treasure among the ruins

As the girls grow, learn, and realize what real goals are and true purpose is I see some of their answers only solidify and become more real and I hear other answers changing into something completely different. 
I've seen the one who is determined to join the military realize that there are other things in this life that she would like to do, like travel and see new places, own her own home, and study languages. 
I've seen the one who wants to become a nurse realize that since she is actually very good at nail art that maybe she would like to open her own salon one day instead.
And I've seen the one who said she wants to be a dancer since she couldn't think of anything else realize that she really has a good head for math and organization and maybe becoming a manager at a resort one day is actually a very real possibility. 

Exploring the Colonial Zone
with this handsome guy on a
weekend off

In each case, they begin to find things that are reachable for them yet fulfilling and full of potential - just like they are. Dreams that give purpose to their lives and help them think of their future and beyond just surviving today. 

I have the amazing privilege of watching girls who come in saying "God is nothing to me and I don't care what kind of plan He has for my life" change to praying to their newfound Father every night and watching the difference in their own lives inspire them to move on and grow in faith, become part of a family, and realize that they truly do have a future. 


It's exciting! It's exciting to be in the business of changing lives for the better. It's exciting, this life of following Jesus Christ. 

Grace Isn't Fair

Not too long ago, one day/week I was thinking about all the mistakes I've made just since coming here. 

Rainy season has started in the Dominican Republic. 

My deepest flaw is wanting to be perfect. 
I'm not talking so much about perfect on the outside (although, I confess, I am a neat freak) but more about being the perfect person - the best friend, the best sister, the best employee, the best girlfriend, the best Christian, the best daughter, the best ______. I want to be the best, perfect in every skill, every attitude, every motive. To love without condition, the work selflessly, to never make mistakes, to always embody perfection. 

I was so happy to find a beach
with shells to use in making
center pieces for our coffee
table! 

The hurt happens when I not only mess up and am not perfect but when it also affects someone else in a negative way. Then it's like a huge crash happens and a collision inside of me makes me question every skill, every attitude, and every motive I've ever had since the beginning of time. The battle in my mind of Maybe I'm just a fake! or Is it actually worth it since I'll never reach perfection anyway? crash in like a raging storm and I'm left questioning my value. I'm left feeling broken and wondering if anything I do is out of a genuine heart or if deep down it all just comes from wanting myself to look good. 

A team from Georgia put on a couple's
conference in Miguel's town this past week.
I was so thankful to have time to go
for half of it. 

This collision point usually happens after a stretch of time that I've been trying to do it on my own. Maybe it's because schedules are so crazy and the nights are long or maybe it's because of a million other reasons but when those collision points happen they always happen during a time when I've let go, even just a little, of the Anchor who holds my soul steadfast, and when I get too wrapped up in my needs, my work, my weaknesses. 

Without fail, the only answer that resolves this feeling of utter imperfection in me is when I take my eyes off my own failure and focus on the Source of Hope, the Giver of Life, the Author of Perfection. 

Time spent with this man
doesn't happen often enough!

When Jesus said, "Be perfect as your Father is perfect." He never meant for us to do it on our own. He also said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Perfection in weakness? Beauty in brokeness? Joy in sorrow? It sounds so backward, so out of place. 

Grace
There is so much beauty that lies there. When I encounter the real meaning of grace I discover real hope. In my pursuit of perfection I find myself too weak, too inadequate. I will never, on my own, find perfection or reach perfection. It's an illusion that moves further beyond my reach anytime I think I'm getting close. But with grace, the very factor - my weakness - that keeps me from being perfect in any sense is what makes Christ perfect in me. 


Now.
That's all good and fine to understand and learn as Christians. BUT the battle has been trying to demonstrate this and teaching it to our girls.

Imagine your deepest hurt. The wound that may still be bleeding or is still sore when you touch it. Maybe it was betrayal by your best friend, an absent parent, a death. Your deepest wound. 

I was able to take off for a
week in May to visit Guatemala. 

Multiply that by ten. Literally. Imagine having that same thing happen to you ten times, in ten different ways.
Now, go to another place with me. Remember back to when you were 13 or 15 maybe even 17 years old - your highschool years? The transition between child and adult. Trying to find your own place in this world, your own identity, your very own purpose. It was confusing at times. It was hard to see ahead for more than a few weeks or months at a time. Sometimes even looking past "today" was a struggle. Everything seemed complicated. If you had the privilege of growing up as a Christian with a strong faith in Christ, many questions like What does God want of me? What is wisdom? What is authority? were familiar small group conversations. 
Going a little deeper.
Take Christ completely out of the picture. 

After an amazing week in
Guatemala (still feels like
home) Rachel came back
with me to the DR for a week.

If you're still with me you'll be able to imagine a little of what is going on inside the hearts and minds of these precious girls. A teenager already living with years of betrayal and abandonment, never knowing what hope or true love really is. 

Our little Problem Child made some bad choices this last week that put her in a place of not deserving grace at all. Her behavior has affected the other girls and they would rather see her "getting what she deserves." She doesn't deserve another chance. Yesterday we were in this position of having to make the choice of extending grace to one girl while still needing to do what was best for the others. The decision we made upset the other girls and afternoon classes were canceled as we worked through arguments and upset attitudes.  
How do you explain to someone who has never received grace why we chose to extend grace to someone who doesn't deserve it? 
They think we're just making fools of ourselves.
Trying to ask them if they wouldn't want to see that same grace extended to them if they would be in that same situation doesn't work because they can't even relate with that mindset yet. 

Grace. It isn't fair. 
God chooses grace and in our brokenness sees the perfection of Jesus instead of our weakness and inability. 
Grace shows beauty in brokenness. Joy in sorrow. Perfection in weakness. 
Grace isn't fair. 
But it's, oh, so beautiful...



{ Matthew 5:48 }
{ 2 Corinthians 12:9 }

Broken Hope

The above bracelet got broken through a series of events that I won't detail here but included it being thrown across the room by its owner in a desperate moment.

Each girl who comes into our care receives a welcome packet filled with personal necessities and special personal items, including a bracelet saying either Amor (Love) or Esperanza (Hope). The girls usually put on those simple little bracelets the first day and they remain a constant accessory to any outfit for any occasion. The reminder of a new start in life is priceless.

When I first held this broken bracelet in my hand that night, the power of what this represents struck me to the core and, already drained from the ordeal, I almost broke down crying.

When Mr. B. and I first talked about Destiny Rescue opening up in the Dominican Republic, over a year ago as I was getting ready to leave Guatemala, he told me something I'll never forget, "Rose, prepare to cry a lot."

In that moment of staring down at that broken bracelet, I didn't cry, but I felt like I was bleeding inside - like my heart had just been ripped apart.

These precious girls: I won't quit talking about them as long as I'm a part of their lives.
They have been through hell. They know desperation. Been on the streets from as young as 11 years old. Experienced more personal heartache than I'm sure I will ever encounter. Met motherhood in their early-mid teens. Any grasp at hope has been snatched away again and again and again and again, and yet again. Abandoned, separated from family. Deceived and abused at the hands of those they thought they could trust.
Uprooted and handed off to yet another caregiver, in a moment of desperation, taking ahold of the closest object available and flinging it on the floor thinking, "I never ever have any hope of ever being loved."

Broken Hope.

The bracelet can be glued back together, actually with very little notice of it ever being broken. But a heart is much harder to heal and restore.

As I've reached this point of literally not having enough knowledge inside of me, enough of my own strength to go on, I have encountered, in a deeper way, the beauty of reaching out beyond myself for the strength, and peace, from a God who never grows weary - a Father who loves unconditionally and has a very special place in His heart for the broken and abused.

There is simply nothing else to do but to live life with open hands, giving of myself and receiving from Him. Receiving His Strength, His Wisdom, His Love, and renewed Hope in all that is broken.
The day I die I want to know that I poured out everything I have ever had in me for the purpose of showing who Jesus is in the most desperate, hopeless, and darkest situation.
Because there is a Way for Broken Hope to be made new. The true God restores and makes all things new. And that's what makes it all worth it.

"Fighting for these kids is no easy job; if it would be, more people would have a crack at it."