As I sit looking out over the ocean and listen to the wind rustle in the tall palms behind me and the waves slap the shore in front of me, my mind and heart wander to Your side. Will it get easier? Will the hole in my heart become less noticeable anytime soon?
I still cry whenever I write the words "my youngest brother died." A conversation is easier in many ways because it's reciting fact; although it's still hit or miss whether or not the tears refuse to be held back. But when I think about it... When I pull back and let the course of events of this past month run through my head...the piercing, tearing pain is just as real as when I heard my sister's voice tell me five Sundays ago, "they were hit by a truck and Anthony didn't make it."
There are so many changes happening this year. Life holds so many new turns and I'm excited to see where You're leading and what adventures You have in store.
Then I remember there's always going to be someone missing...will that ever seem normal?
I'm not sad for him. I know his goofy grin is being spread all over heaven as he marvels at all the creations he never even began to imagine existed.
I don't cry for him. I cry for me. For the fact that You left me behind. For the fact that a hole will always exist this side of heaven. That at every life changing turn, someone will be missing.
I don't doubt that You're good, and that Your plan is perfect. I don't doubt your presence. As I listen to the waves and wind, Your peace inside of me is overwhelming and Your grace as been my lifeline.
I just wonder what life will be like. Because it will never be the same...
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." ~Jesus
(Matthew 11:28)
I still cry whenever I write the words "my youngest brother died." A conversation is easier in many ways because it's reciting fact; although it's still hit or miss whether or not the tears refuse to be held back. But when I think about it... When I pull back and let the course of events of this past month run through my head...the piercing, tearing pain is just as real as when I heard my sister's voice tell me five Sundays ago, "they were hit by a truck and Anthony didn't make it."
There are so many changes happening this year. Life holds so many new turns and I'm excited to see where You're leading and what adventures You have in store.
Then I remember there's always going to be someone missing...will that ever seem normal?
I'm not sad for him. I know his goofy grin is being spread all over heaven as he marvels at all the creations he never even began to imagine existed.
I don't cry for him. I cry for me. For the fact that You left me behind. For the fact that a hole will always exist this side of heaven. That at every life changing turn, someone will be missing.
I don't doubt that You're good, and that Your plan is perfect. I don't doubt your presence. As I listen to the waves and wind, Your peace inside of me is overwhelming and Your grace as been my lifeline.
I just wonder what life will be like. Because it will never be the same...
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." ~Jesus
(Matthew 11:28)
"And since death is a part of life, every time I'm faced with
it, I have to ask, are we prepared for it? We can probably never be fully
prepared to lose a loved one, so I'm not asking that. What I'm asking is, what
if it would be me? What if it would be you? I need to ask myself if I'm
prepared for my death. Because the way I answer that also answers the question
of if I'm living my life as if it really mattered..." [excerpt from On Life and Death - written in 2015]
