Not Gonna Lie

At the risk of sounding a bit pitiful, I'm not gonna lie - 2019 has been a bit rough for us so far.
This coming after March's "Choosing Gratitude" post, may seem a bit contradictory, but that's not my intent, as you'll hopefully see!

Being vulnerable is scary. You set yourself up to the judgement and critique of others. We see that even more serving as missionaries because our stories go back to people who financially support us and believe that we are capable of carrying out the work God has called us to. Because of this, it's easier to report the positive progress and wait to talk about the problems until after they're resolved.
The main factor that has made this year a bit bumpy is rooted in a common problem that many in ministry (local and overseas) face - money. In fact, I think most people, no matter where they are in life, face problems in this area! Our problem becomes a bit more compact because we feel the responsibility of putting other people's money to work and feeling the need to justify everything it goes towards.

If you've been keeping up since late last year, you will remember we were able to finish the house in Boca Chica Miguel had started above his mom's house before we met. On December 1st, the day we were praying to be able to finish and have renters in the house, a very responsible woman signed the rental agreement and moved in that week with her two children. Originally, the plan was to use the extra income to help with Mireya's knee surgery she needs. However, she found out that insurance doesn't cover as large a part as originally thought, so that has been postponed. In the meantime, the rent goes toward payments of a small loan we took out to finish the house and what's left over is for Mireya. She has needed improvements on her house for a long time and even though the amount isn't large each month, she has put it to good use to secure her living conditions. Her stress levels have gone down and she has a much more positive outlook on life as she sees changes around her physically. She was even able to come visit us over Easter since she now has people living above her who can keep an eye on the place while she's gone. 
All that to say - even with the small loan (which we could pay off immediately with savings if that ever becomes necessary), we still had to use up the cushion that had accumulated over a year and we finished out 2018 with barely $2 in our bank account. I thought we'd be in the red for the first time in my life and I remember telling Miguel, "At least we broke even!"

Raising financial support while living here (not having the ability to meet people face to face) has not been easy - not having one concentrated home base to go back to (every trip Stateside so far has been to a different place since our support team is so scattered across the country) and until this summer, not having more than a week to ten days per trip have all played a part in reaching this point as well. When I moved down here, I had more than enough financial support coming in for a single person, which is why we even have a small savings/emergency fund. But when we got married and I put my involvement with human trafficking on hold and ministry for me personally took on a whole new face, understandably, we lost some of that support. Due to the above factors, it's taken us until this year to build back up to that same place and we have still have a ways to go in reaching our support goal financially.

This brings about the very reasonable questions:
what about Miguel's salary, can you cut back on living costs, what about "paying" job opportunities, etc?
In reply:
Miguel's monthly salary is about half of what a teacher makes here and most of it goes back into the ministry work since FCA DR has no operations budget. He has finished university and is officially graduating next weekend with a degree to teach English. Yes, he could easily pick up a teaching job and increase our income substantially, but it would mean completely putting on hold everything he's doing with discipling coaches and athletes - a decision we have not had peace about so far since we clearly believe that he is doing what God has called him to right now. 
Living costs are about half or two-thirds of what they were where I used to live while serving with Destiny Rescue. But we are two people instead of just one so that brings us back up to basically the same line regarding living costs. There have been several times that we've sat down to go over our monthly budgeting and it always boils down to cutting back literally meaning eating less ;) With recent vehicle repairs (I wrote more about this in our newsletter this month) and prenatal bills, we've had more than just the monthly living costs we had last year. But! There are a few people who generously helped us with the extra bills and just last week, we received a needs reimbursement check from the healthcare sharing plan we're a part of. These small but significant details have helped us to break even each month and we always see God more than taking care of us.
A paying job opportunity came in the form of a part-time position with Vida Plena, a ministry dedicated to providing dignified employment, artisan trade skills, and micro-financing to women who otherwise are mostly untrained, thus have difficulty being able to provide for their families. They needed help with their admin and accounting and the phone call came right in the middle of all our vehicle stories! With my flexible schedule, I was able to commit to 3 months, 2 days a week, and it has been such an amazing opportunity. Finances aside, I forgot how much I missed the hands-on aspect of going into an office/workspace and interacting with the people who are being served. Overseeing admin for FCA DR from home has it's definite advantages. Assisting ATB mostly from home and only attending periodic meetings, less than once a month, has had those same advantages. But I have missed the daily, messy beauty of direct involvement. To continue answering this question, once getting back from furlough/maternity leave, this opportunity would still be available and they've even offered to help with fundraising so that the salary would be at a full-time income level. The drawback is that the workshop is 45 minutes from where we live and with a baby, we simply have no idea yet how life will look by then.

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Ok, deep breath.

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Again, publicly putting all this out there in no way is meant to undermine and diminish all the amazing things that have taken place this year already! More than ever, we find the positive in walking through difficulties as we see God's character shine and we find a deeper intimacy with Him individually and as a couple.
We do, however, believe in being honest and as transparent as possible, which sometimes means revealing the raw and uninteresting parts.
If you've read this far, hopefully capturing what we're trying to relay, we have two burdens we ask you to share with us. 
1. Direction.
I've jokingly said we have everything planned out until this baby comes, then I have no idea what we'll come back to. Life after furlough may return to the same, but will likely look completely different - especially for me. One thing I do know, I won't be able to keep everything on my plate that's currently on there. It may mean I don't "do" anything other than care for our son and home and this is a point I'm still struggling with. It's meant relearning everything about 'being' more than 'doing', not feeling the need to justify who I am by what I do, and capturing the truth of family being our first ministry.
2. Financial provision.
More than just being able to make ends meet. This year, each month that closed with us we thinking the next month would mean wiggle room again, something happened (usually vehicle related).


We are so grateful for people who constantly pour into us, encourage and uplift us where it's tough, and rejoice with us where there is reason to celebrate. Vulnerability aside, writing this has been difficult because there is SO MUCH good in our lives!! And I never want to bury the truth of God's grace, faithfulness, and goodness towards us. It's hard to know how to end this post - I want to make a list of all that good but somehow feel that it would deter from what I've been trying to write about.

Through all this, I've found a new understanding of 2 Timothy 4:7-8. "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing." We have no guarantee of a life of ease, yet difficulty doesn't somehow make us more worthy of heaven. The point is whether or not I am one of the "all who have loved his appearing."

Choosing Gratitude

2019 started off a little quietly, which is why the blog has been quiet. The past month, however, has been packed full of so many things that I keep on delaying writing an update because of wanting to wait until "this next thing" is done so I can include that as well! Meaning, this is probably going to be a bit long-winded so buckle in ;) 

When we got married, we picked the "alternative year method" when it comes to where we celebrate Christmas and New Year. I've talked about this before - spending a Christmas season in the States one year and the following one in the DR. Since this past year was DR year, the season was more relaxed with no traveling other than locally. It didn't seem as full of all the adrenaline as I'm used being associated with Christmas and New Year, so by the time January rolled around, we were nicely rested up and very ready to dig back in to work and ministry.
I sent out a brief newsletter that month basically just recapping the vision trip we were able to host for FCA DR (four guys from TX came to see the ministry and we took them to four of the cities FCA is active in) and then adding our summer schedule at the end. It wasn't enough to really blog about, so I decided to just wait to hop back on here until things pick up a little.

February was similar to January with Miguel settling into a daily ministry and work routine, as well as finally getting his thesis assignment that he'd been waiting on from his university. He and a group of two more graduates have been working on that project part-time; he's also back in Santo Domingo every Saturday for evaluation classes as part of his graduate work.
We had someone come for a quick 24 hour trip to arrange some details for a basketball camp that will be taking place in Boca Chica this summer, but that was the only traveling or hosting we did that entire month.

This brings us to March, which has been a jam-packed month so far. It's been one of those months where so much has happened that I can hardly believe it's not even over yet!
February 28th, after our mid-week local church service, we packed up our car with 2 week's worth of clothes and headed to Boca Chica. At 4 AM (after only a few hours of sleep) we met up with four other FCA leaders to catch an early morning flight to the beautiful land of Guatemala!! I especially had been greatly anticipating this trip since last year when we found out that FCA's International Capacity Conference would be held there. It had been three years since I'd been able to visit the country that will always hold a special place in my heart, and I was overjoyed that Miguel could finally go as well to see and experience all the things I talk about so much! What made the trip even more memorable was being able to take some of our team members along, two of which had never left the DR before.
We landed before noon and had plenty of time to get situated and some food into our stomachs before the evening opening session. Those first three days were spent with 40+ other Latin America leaders for FCA's first ever Latin American Ministry Conference.
LAMC was one of the brighter highlights of the entire Guatemala trip since everyone spoke Spanish and the cultural divide was less noticeable (I say brighter highlight because the entire trip was fantastic!). Our Dominican team was so encouraged to be able to see, face to face, and get to know personally other men (and a few women) who are also sharing the Gospel and making disciples through the avenue of sports. The days were packed so full of sessions and workshops that we weren't sure whether or not we'd have enough brain capacity for ICC the following five days! And even though Latinos are known to run late (later than most of the rest of the world), we also know how to make the time count and quickly become like family. All in all, it was a great success for the first time.

Waiting to board our first flight at 6 in the morning after little to no sleep required having a backpack full of snacks on hand :). 

David, one of our leaders, was asked to share in a ministry forum for LAMC along with four other FCA leaders from four other countries.

I was given the task of sharing on strategies and models for hosting effective international team/mission trips during one of the many workshops.

Miguel, the human selfie stick, took a picture of a bunch of the Latino craziness and camaraderie on Sunday before we headed over to ICC to join with the rest of the international leaders from all over the world.

Miguel found his twin ;) Jairo was randomly assigned to our table at LAMC and then also at ICC the following 5 days - they just couldn't get rid of eachother! For reference sake, he's shorter than I am.

ICC 2019 was held in the beautiful city of Antigua, Guatemala. The hotel we stayed at had a beautiful view of the 3 volcanoes outside of the city (one of which is still active). Miguel to the amusement of the Guatemalans, says he loved Guate but disliked the volcanoes! This picture was taken right outside our room on a clear day.

Miguel and Alvis (one of the other DR teammates) were invited to play soccer with the other Latinos who play soccer as much as Dominicans play baseball. I went along to watch one night and was slightly surprised and duly impressed by his scoring abilities. :D

ICC had several hours of downtime scheduled each day (thankfully!) so on Tuesday we walked/hiked up to the cross that overlooks the city along with my friend Rachel who lives in Antigua. That's Miguel and me in the forefront under the cross's base.

Wednesday afternoon was outing day. The 5 guys went zip-lining with about half the group while I went to tour a coffee plantation with the other half. I had to miss out on the obviously more fun one because, pregnancy. But the plantation experience was educational with delicious samples at the end, so not a waste! 

Miguel finally found a chair that allows his feet to dangle.

FCA DR and FCA Africa
Meeting leaders from all over the world who have the same focus of discipleship ministry through the avenue of sports was beyond encouraging. It was also positively challenging and inspiring to learn from one another and connect as one body in Christ.

FCA World.
110 leaders from 42 countries attended ICC this year. The theme was the Leader's Journey containing sessions on self leadership, leading others, leading teams, and organizational leadership. Plus, more sessions on core values, ministry expansion, and general ministry equipping and encouragement. 


Miguel and I were able to extend our trip to stay the weekend once FCA conferences were done. Friday morning we packed up the other four DR teammates and sent them, with their hearts overflowing, with the rest of the large group to the airport to catch their flights back home. One of the team members from the vision trip in January, that I mentioned above, who came down through FCA in TX, personally donated 200 copies of the Purple Book, one of the main resources we use here when beginning one-on-one discipleship! Others from TX donated around 60 more copies (with more coming) of another FCA resource we have been in need of for this year. So each of the six of us had to strategically pack our bags to be able to take back all this literature; we each ended up with 50 lbs. in our check bags (including clothes and other personal items)!

After we bade our good-byes, Miguel and I headed over to my friend Rachel's house to spend the rest of Friday and all day Saturday with her. We had been roommates for almost a year in Chichicastenango when I served with Pray America/Manos de Jesus. The year after I moved to the DR, she moved to Antigua to go on staff with a new church plant and has been there since. Needless to say, it was wonderful catching up with her again! Miguel thought he had caught a cold, which actually turned out to be allergies, so he spent some of that time getting caught up on rest, fluids, and vitamins after the late nights/early mornings of the conferences. It didn't deter him from making dinner for us on Saturday night, though!

 

I kept leaving my phone at home, so I didn't grab pictures of the cute place we went to get donuts on Friday night or the ruins and museum we toured on Saturday (Miguel has those on his phone but he's at university right now).

Sunday morning, we grabbed a shuttle from Antigua to travel the 3 hours up into the mountains to Chichicastenango and spend a meager 24 hours at Monte Flor - my home for almost a year and a half and place that I always truly love to go back to. We arrived just in time to crash the morning missionary church gathering where I used to lead worship. The many hugs and familiar faces warmed my heart so much! Everyone loved meeting Miguel, who they had their eyes on from a distance via social media for the past 3 years.
Some of my missionary friends, Erv and Sally York, run a prenatal care clinic (along with other things) 20 minutes further up into the mountains in one of the communities I used to go to with Henry and Gloria to visit sponsor families. She offered to do an anatomy scan for us, so after lunch and chatting with the sweet kitchen ladies who I used to teach new recipes/cooking tips to, we spent a few hours at the York's mountain home, catching up on missionary life and answering Miguel's many questions (he always loves asking questions!).
Their daughter, Sarah, and one of the Manos de Jesus staff, Keri, sweetly offered to do a gender reveal for us based on Sally's scan results. Miguel has insisted from day one that it's a boy and he was proven right!

Monday morning, I kept introducing Miguel to the many staff/my former coworkers - I don't think he'll keep any of the names straight without pictures, but now he has people that match the names I talk about so often! We even had an hour or so to sit down with the Koetsiers (currently the main missionaries with Manos de Jesus) and discuss ministry updates and answer more of Miguel's questions. Even though the conferences and Antigua were beyond amazing, these 24 hours were my personal Guate trip highlight. I keep saying if God tells us to move back and Miguel is convinced, I'd pack my bags tomorrow.
Over the past 3 years of living the Dominican life, this island has become home. The culture has become familiar, I absolutely love our life here, the church family we have, and community we are a part of. But the mountains of Chichi and the country of Guatemala will always be home to me, even if I never live there again. And I was so grateful to be able to be there for just a tiny little bit. It brought my heart joy!

This should be the end of this blog post. Should be ;) But, remember when I said this past month has been jam-packed? Oh, I wasn't only referring to the first two weeks in Guatemala. Keep reading to understand the title of this blog post!

We left Guatemala late Monday afternoon, March 11th, and after a layover in Panama, landed in Boca Chica at 1 AM on Tuesday, March 12th.
Our friends the Heberts had visited us last year in June and would love to make an annual trip here, much to our delight. This year, open dates just so happened to land on a week in March - arriving March 12th to be exact. They knew ahead of time that we would be coming home from a two-week trip that morning and the first few days would likely be low-key, especially for me. But we were ok with it as long as they were. We caught a few hours of sleep at Miguel's mom's house before heading back home around 6:30 that morning; we both preferred to sleep a few more hours in our own bed before heading to the Punta Cana airport to pick up the Heberts.
Wednesday and Thursday were unpacking and grocery shopping days while the guys went out to the baseball fields. Friday morning I was supposed to have my monthly prenatal check-up, as well as get an official second trimester anatomy scan done (since Sally was unable to print off the results of her scan). Thursday evening, after church, the Heberts filled us in on an inflammation flare-up he was dealing with that day, so we decided to take him with us to the clinic the next morning to get it checked out. She was originally going to go with me to the appointment while Miguel had planned to take Friday off as his first rest-day since being back and to prepare for Saturday's classes, but to make sure that I didn't miss my turn at the Dr. and the Heberts weren't left without a translator, the four of us headed out shortly before 6:30 Friday morning.
We didn't have cash on hand for my appointment so we stopped in at an ATM - which happened to be out of cash. So, we headed to a second ATM about halfway to the clinic (only 10 minutes, give or take, from our house) - which also happened to be out of cash. When Miguel got out of the car at the second ATM, I noticed that the engine seemed to have turned off, but assumed he had turned the key out of habit. When he got back in, no money in hand, ready to head to a third ATM even closer to the clinic, the car refused to start. He hadn't turned the key when he got out, instead the engine turned off itself and refused to start again. In February we had something similar happen a few times in a week, but the car usually started again within 5 minutes. A mechanic had looked at it and said it was just a loose connector that could be fixed by a zip-tie to keep the two pieces tightly connected, which seemed to work.
We don't know if this problem started last month already, but the car was acting the same way. No other symptoms, just randomly turning off and this time, not starting up again no matter how long we waited or what we fiddled with under the hood. By this time, it was around 7 o'clock so Miguel called our friend who had helped us find a good mechanic last time. He had to drop his daughters at school and daycare then would be able to swing by around 8. In the meantime, we called our pastor to see if he could give us a ride to the clinic. I was sure I'd be arriving too late to make my appointment without a full day's wait (here, you show up early and take a number, then once the Dr. comes in, you take your turn in line) but we could at least make sure the Heberts were taken care of and maybe even get my sonogram done.
When we arrived at the clinic, the ER was quiet and they could examine him right away, thankfully, but the doctor who did the initial exam ended up saying he'd have to get his superior to fully confirm what the infection was and what antibiotics to use. So, while we waited for 8 o'clock to come around and the "big" doctor to arrive, I headed upstairs to see if there was still a chance to grab a number at my Dr's office - only to find she was on vacation until close to the end of the month! Determined to not make it a wasted trip (there are clinics closer to our house that we could have gone to for urgent care) I took a number for the sonogram room.
Less than an hour later, the Heberts were squared away with a few medications for him that were supposed to help for the rest of their stay and the phone number of the "big" doctor in case we needed anything else. More friends of ours from church were able to give the Heberts a ride back to our house while I waited another hour or two for my sonogram.
Miguel hadn't charged his phone overnight, so while I was at the clinic, his phone died and I didn't know what the diagnosis was on the car other than needing to be towed to the shop. The sonogram went well, thankfully, and Mini T looked as healthy as ever. While I waited on our friends to come back and pick me up, Miguel swung by to grab his ATM card I had taken and said it looked like a $100 repair job with some fuses that would hopefully be resolved by noon.
At the end of the day, Miguel spent a full 12 hours with the car, some of it on the side of the road and most of it at the mechanic's shop. After the fuses were fixed and the car started up again, the voltage was running too high indicating an alternator problem, which they could fix. The mechanic bill wasn't outrageous or unreasonable, and in US terms even comparatively cheap, but it was high enough that we would have to take a bit out of our meager savings account to cover it and still make the rest of our monthly bills.
This was where it hit me. We had intentionally not touched that savings account since we were married, even though the past few months have been tight after using our cushion funds to finish the rental house in Boca Chica. We had offhandedly nicknamed it our baby fund, knowing that we would likely need to use it down the road and not wanting to touch it before then.
Saturday morning came around and I needed to drop the guys off at the bus station since Miguel had university classes in Santo Domingo. As soon as I started the car, I knew something was majorly wrong. When it had turned off the day (and a few weeks) before, there weren't any symptoms of a problem, but this time it gave every indication that there was something wrong with the alternator and I was sure we'd end up needing to change the entire thing. On the way to and back from the bus station (15-20 min. round trip) the car shut off 3 times - thankfully always starting right back up again.
We ladies ditched our beach plans for the day. Our friend came out with the mechanics who worked on it in front of our house for a few hours. A wire in the alternator had shorted out and because of that the battery ended up boiling, so while the mechanics were free (guarantee on their work from the day before) we now had to buy a new battery before it was road worthy - which cost as much as the mechanic's bill from the day before.

That day, I went into my room and cried. And in the exact moment that the tears started, I started thanking God. Now, I don't always do this, even though I should, but somehow in the middle of the tears, the phrase from the movie "Facing the Giants" kept playing over and over in my head, "If we win, we praise Him. If we lose, we praise Him." Surprisingly it wasn't hard to start making a list of all the things we have to be so extremely grateful for - church family and friends who drop things and rearrange their busy day to help us when we need it; a savings account, however small it may be, to cover unplanned emergencies; the Heberts who took us on an outing on Monday to go whale-watching (something I've been wanting to do for the past 3 years and would have missed again this year had we waited another week); family back home who knew what was going on and praying for us; not having to replace the alternator!; a healthy, active, growing little son who has already brought us so much joy in the past 20 weeks while we wait to meet him face to face; food on the table; a roof over our house; so many, many things.

20 weeks! We're halfway there already :D

Gratitude. It's something I have found I need to choose. And when I do, I find one of the keys to joy.