The Island Feeling

Have you ever looked in the mirror, stared into your own eyes, and realized, "I am the only 'me' in the entire world and no one knows exactly what I'm feeling right now in this moment."? I call it The Island Feeling.

My grandparents used to live in a great big house on a gorgeous lake not far from our place, so I have many happy summer memories of taking their paddle boat out to this tiny island in the middle of their part of the lake. There were houses within seeing distance and the sound of summer barbecues drifted over the water, but the island itself was quiet. There was a feeling of being safe and dry and knowing there are people not far off. - But. At the same time, if anything happened, it took a lot of really loud yelling and jumping up and down to get anyone's attention!

The kind of island feeling - When you know you're not really alone, there are people around you and normaly the feeling of quiet and security is calming. But every once in a while, you look in the mirror and realize, "If I'd try to explain to someone why I'm feeling sad or in despair or cranky or frustrated or simply exhausted from 'paddling the boat', they'd be able to relate (they've taken the boat out a few times before), they'd be able to give me reassuring promises (that I know are true) - but they're not me. Even if I yell and jump up and down, they don't know my own exact personal fear or sadness."

I felt like that the other day.
It's been a tough week. Really, a tough month of March. Every week more doors have been unlocked, while at the same time the spiritual warfare increases and becomes more intense. It surrounds the girls we talk with and are working with. It involves our team and tries to tear us apart. At a time when things should be getting easier, and the process seems to be figured out, it is in reality getting harder.
When I looked into the mirror the other day, I realized how easy it is to forget about something when you're not right there in the middle of it. It felt lonely, as I stood there staring into my own eyes, to think about other people's lives going on and the memories being made without me. I also realized there is no way we would have made it this far and still have strength to move forward if it wouldn't be for the prayers that surround us and the battling that is done on our behalf by people who have not yet had the priviledge of looking into the face of one of these Precious Someones. I'm thankful. We're grateful. That you haven't forgotten and that you continue to battle with us.

After I quit looking in the mirror, talked to my boyfriend (who always knows exactly what to say), spent some time with Jesus, and got enough fuel to get back into my 'boat' again to head back to shore (the fuel probably came from all the coffee and chocolate I've been cosuming these days ;), I realized something:
That's probably exactly how all of the girls who walk (and will walk) through the doors of our safe home feel.
On the road here, they may think they're being taken to jail. Or if they hear of our program and come voluntarily, they're taking a huge risk listening to what we have to say. Their lives are in the hands of strangers. They don't know when they'll see their friends again. And even though, after the initial introductions, it's easy to see that this home is a super safe and secure place and they hear the reassurances that we are on their side. Even so...it must feel so very lonely...We don't know them at that point. And we only know a little bit of their story. That's The Island Feeling


Be grateful.
For your friends and family around you
For education
For the ability to dream
And to make and watch those dreams come alive
For hope
For the gift of true and unconditional love

Don't take for granted the privilege of being able to make your own decisions.
For be able to say no and yes
For not needing permission to use the bathroom
For being able to choose who your friends and companions are


Tonight. This very night as you're tucking your kids into bed
As you're winding down after a full day of work or school or a fun activity
This weekend. As you're planning to celebrate with family
As you are able to be with people you enjoy being around
Take a minute to pause and pray for that Precious Someone who, right now, is a young, innocent girl huddling in a corner trying to prepare herself for what she knows is coming
She may act brave. She may think it's no big deal. She may even be convinced that it's a good thing she's doing. She probably has been brainwashed enough by what we call 'pimp psychology' to think that this is her decision and she's not doing anything she doesn't want to be doing.

The slavery goes beyond physical bondage. It goes into every crevice of psychological, emotional, and spiritual strongholds.

The next time you find yourself looking into a mirror and the feeling of being alone on an island touches your mind and settles in for a second - after you've talked to Jesus and listened to His voice, taken in the encouragement from the people who are around you, and have gotten enough fuel to get back in the boat again (coffee and chocolate do help!) - don't forget about that Precious Someone. Who doesn't know Jesus yet. Who is surrounded by abuse and neglect. Who waits on sleep for a bit of relief from the feeling of emptiness.
Don't forget.
Remember that your prayers can be the seeds of hope needed to bring life into her eyes.  

Focus

Yesterday I learned such a valuable lesson. 

I like to have things figured out. It's almost like an incessant need to have everything figured out and resolved in order to move on to the next thing. So, of course, my weak spot where the doubts constantly creep in, is what will happen in the future. 

Sometimes, I almost pride myself on looking into the future so far - 2 or 3 years down the road, once my initial contract with Destiny Rescue is up - what will happen then? What kind of opportunities will open up? Will I have new desires then or will the passions I have right now only grow? Of course I go back to the usual promises of God knows the plans He has for me and it is good; the promises of the Counselor, the Spirit of wisdom, etc; how I need to trust Him, how I can grow in more faith, etc, etc. All good stuff. But then it hit me.

What about 5 years or 10 or 25 or even 50 years? What about then? Then, this small little window of 2 or 3 years will seem like a dot. And how am I using that time? Am I using it to build a solid foundation, to grow in priciples that will reap benefits 10, 25, and 50 years down the road? Or will I allow my mind to be consumed with worries and live in a place of shaky doubt until the questions I think are important and oh so vital get answered?

It was a great reminder! And one that can be applied to every part of life. It's so easy to get caught up in the short term worries - when will final approval for the house come through? how much longer? what about now? here?

Yesterday I met with the pastor of the church here and his wife to talk about a girl they currently have in their care. She has major anger issues and when she has outbursts sometimes gets very violent (the psychologists here aren't very well trained and they say they can't help her so they took her to a psychiatrist who put her on tranquilizers). They had to take her out of the home she was in last week because she could endanger the other girls. Pastor and his wife called me up to see if I could try working with her using the training we will be using with our own girls coming into our care. Of course I gladly stepped in, spoke with her for about an hr, and it looks like I'll be able to start spending time with her by the end of this week. Anyway, I was thinking of this young teenager who seemingly has her whole life ahead of her but who has been through more than most American people twice her age have ever encountered. Meeting her and beginning the process of getting to know her and work with her reminded me of why I'm here - not even just here in the DR, but why I'm here on this earth - to love God with all my heart and soul and to love on and serve the people around me through that unconditional love. I wanna make every minute count, to learn how to live with even more freedom, because 10, 25, and 50 years down the road I have no idea where I'll be at or where she'll be at but if I choose to live in that shaky territory of worry and allow doubts to distract my focus it will take something away from her and from the next person that God place in my path.

Yesterday, I was reminded to take the focus off myself, point it back to God, and start thinking more about the people around me again. 

It's easy to lose focus, little by little, especially when we wait, then wait again, only to wait some more. But it's no excuse to let live slide by and only live it with half a teaspoon of passion.

But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31

The Waiting Game

The house is completely finished with repairs and ready to have people live in it! Exciting! The down side is that right now our house moms pretty much have nothing to do while we wait, and wait. Our goal of having the house done in January happened, but it's not open yet since we still haven't gotten the green light from child services that allows us to take in girls.

The beginning of last week, we learned that the lawyer from child services who was helping us get all our paperwork in order for approval is no longer working, due to other circumstances. Our lawyer who was helping us with other legal affairs before December had surgery done right before Christmas break and was on medical leave until last week. It was pretty cool seeing how God orchestrated the transition so smoothly. Our lawyer is super good at what she does and has a great heart to see this process go through, and she's been on top of everything since we met with her late last week and debriefed her on where we were at in the process with the first lawyer. We found out that a few papers were overlooked, so it will probably take until late next week to obtain those, but she's pretty confident we'll be able to head into child services headquarters by the end of next week to get their final approval and a date set for the home inspection.
We're so close - yet it seems like we've been saying that for a while already.

It's been hard to know what to write about these last few weeks because, while I keep busy everyday with constant paperwork, translating, and internal processes, externally we've been playing the waiting game. But through my sister's wise words, God reminded me a few days ago of how important it is to take this time to focus on the things to be thankful for such as:
~ a huge wonderful, beautiful safe house ready and waiting to welcome each precious girl who will be calling it home
~ time - to breath, to get more plugged into the local church and community
~ our staff - a guard with a deep rich voice who sings worship songs while cleaning the yard and a heart to do nothing but serve his Savior, two house moms (or caretakers) who cheerfully go about setting up the house and come up with new ideas every day of things they'll be able to do with the girls once the home is approved, my bosses who are beyond incredible in patience and example of what it means to listen to God, and an indispensable fellow personal assitant who is able to do things I can't or have no clue about (and always, constantly is making us laugh!).
~ connections with more ministries and a group of friends that came from attending a four-day conference two weeks ago - I'd been praying for a group of friends to connect with and although we're scattered throughout the island and didn't know eachother before that conference, we're staying in touch through chat groups and already planning a weekend of camping in the mountains around Easter time.

God has continued to lead us so clearly to the correct connections in the departments we will be working so closely with. Our program is different from anything set up in the Dominican right now, so we're breaking some new ground, which could easily be a whole lot more complicated without the right people on our side. It seems like each time we crest a hill and say, "This is it - this is so exactly where we should be." God brings one more connection and opens a whole new field of possibility ahead of us. It's exciting! And while I sit here writing about it I wonder at my own little narrow mindedness and tendency to be so impatient!

While our hearts may be full and ready to burst with anticipation and desire to see precious souls find healing, I keep thinking about how much fuller God's heart must be. The Father, who sees each precious life He created suffering every day and going through abuse every night...how full His heart must be.
I pray for a heart like His.
And I pray for His will to be done.

A Smile A Day

It wasn't the first time I'd gotten a comment on my smile, but it was the first time it came from such a random source:
We stayed at a hotel for our first week (or two? It's seems so long ago that I don't even quite remember!) in the DR while we hunted for an apartment. If you've been following my blog, you know we flew in on an afternoon and went straight into a meeting with our lawyer, pastor, and president of the board that evening and got started on task lists right away. The hotel internet signal didn't reach the room I was staying in, so a lot of the work I did that week (or two) was done in the common area downstairs. The first morning at that hotel, I headed downstairs to grab a table and get some work done. One of the employees helped me locate an outlet to plug in to, then randomly said, "I hope I'm not out of line, but you have a really nice smile." (in Spanish, of course). I said, "Gracias!" and that was it. Very random - but since then, it's become semi-normal.

This past Sunday, after a conversation on the street in front of our apartment building with a neighbor I hadn't met before, the realization of how unstrange this particular conversation seemed made me think over the past few months and of how many similar encounters I've had since moving here:
The church we're involved with here is a little bit of a drive away. Although it's not further than most people in the States drive to go to church, they also have a small 'satellite' church closer to our apartment that I've recently had the chance to start getting involved in; driving my bike is a more convenient way but I can easily walk there if I give myself enough time. The big church has their Sunday service in the evening and the small church has theirs in the moring, so it works out pretty well. This past Sunday morning, I was on my way out, walking past our apartment building, when a kid (probably mid-teens) who was sitting out on the side walk (yes, that's normal here!) struck up a conversation after we exchanged "good mornings" (also normal here. You rarely pass anyone when walking without exchanging hellos). We hadn't met before but have waved to eachother on occasions when I drive out of the gate with my bike and he's at his usual spot, so he took the time to introduce himself and practice his English. After the usual friendly questions of where I'm from, where we learned eachother's languages, etc, (normal stuff in pretty much any 'introduction' conversation around here) I was about to turn away, ready to be on my way, when he made one last comment in English, with that Caribbean accent that always carries over, "I want you to know you have a beautiful smile!" I laughed, thanked him, said something along the lines of, "So do you" and went on my way.
During the rest of that walk to church, I found myself going over these past few months and how often I've heard that same comment, or a version of it, since moving here. When I started trying to count the number of times, I lost track - yet each time it always brightens my day.

Words mean a lot to me and many, many times it's on those days that I need an extra boost or something to cheer me up that a random stranger in a random place will inevitably comment on my smile:
a shopper in the shoe aisle (at the grocery store)
a bank teller (at the local bank)
a few waiters/waitresses (at restaurants and on the beach)
an employee (at the machanic's shop)
a motorbike salesman (at a large company)
a little girl (at church)
a receptionist (at the local internet carrier's office)
...and more
Sometimes it's a passing observance, sometimes it's thrown in as an ending to a conversation, sometimes it's been the start of a conversation that other wise wouldn't have happened...
The bank teller and a few of the waiters/waitresses recongize us now and have ventured to ask me questions about what we're doing here, etc; they have fun letting my bosses practice their Spanish with them.
The little girl at church ran in to breathlessly deliver a message to me from someone outside and right before spinning around, she kind of paused and blurted out that she likes my smile, then darted out to play with her friends again.
The receptionist motioned me over after we had closed on an internet contract and asked if we were Christians; it had been a bad day of the car breaking down and forgetting a passport, etc. so by the time we walked in the door of that business, I was tired and just wanted everything sorted out. She hadn't met us before, yet she looked right at me and said, "It shows on your face; especially your smile."

There are more little stories like those. And while the stories are fun little nuggets to tell, the whole point of this is not that I may have a nice smile!
On Sunday while walking to church and recalling a few of these instances, the realization hit me of how stingy I am with my compliments to people and how little I reach out to strangers passing me in the bread aisle.
I mean, I've always tried to smile at everyone - I try to smile at anyone who happens to make eye contact no matter where I'm at.
One of my favorite sayings is: When you see a person without a smile, give them yours.
I know the Bible verses of happy hearts and cheerful faces (Proverbs 15:13) and how laughter is good like medicine (Proverbs 17:22).
I've experienced the reality of fighting a depressing cloud covered view where no laughter, no smile, seemed genuine, and I've tasted the wonder and simple sweetness of laughing again and smiling 'with my eyes' after the sun broke through the clouds.
Smiles are some of the first things I notice on people and have brightend my day on so many occasions, so I've even prayed that God would reflect on my face and use a simple thing that doesn't require words to somehow speak life into someone's life.
That all sounds good, right?? It is.
But:
When I flashed a tired smile at that receptionist, I had no intention of striking up a conversation. It was out of habbit, not cuz I really meant it. She's the one who took the time say something that ended up being the highlight of my week. She may never know how thankful I am that she listend to the voice of the Spirit that day.
When I made eye contact with the other shoe-shopper, I had no intention of actually making the effort to maybe tell her that she was wearing a pretty necklace. Why would I? She was just another shopper and I was there to grab a pair of flipflops. Yet she took the time to say something that left an impression on me and a small conversation took place that otherwise would have been missed.
I haven't told the waiter at one of our normal lunch places that he always does a good job with our order or the waitress at the other one that she has beautiful eyes or the bank teller that it's great when he makes the effort to slow down his Spanish so Mrs. E. can understand him.

I'm oftentimes too busy to make the effort or too preoccupied with my own agenda to even think of it.
What about them?
Their words have made a difference to me. How have mine affected them?

Here's my challenge.
Reach out.

It might feel awkward or seem strange to tell the mom with her toddler that she has nice eyes or the freckled teenager in the next booth at the ice cream parlor that he has a great laugh or the elderly couple in church that they're an inspiration to you, but. do. it.
The mom may be exahausted taking care of her sick husband and five year old that she left at home.
The teenager is probably wondering if anyone ever notices him.
The elderly couple can be feeling like they're often overlooked.
We don't know their stories, but God does. He sees hearts and cares about His children. Let Him use you to make a difference.
Do it.
Reach out.
Make a difference in the life of a stranger today.
I can guarantee, they won't be strangers after you do, even if you never learn their name.

And while you're thinking about it, practicing on your family and friends doesn't hurt! 

In Light of Christmas

Christmas was good.
We didn't have ham with all the trimmings and no desserts except some delicious chocolate chip cookies made in our now partially functioning oven. (It's still missing a part but at least it turns on now.)
As far as decorations go, we found a little 2 foot tree at a local store, so we strung some red and green ribbon, a strand of lights, and some tiny little ornaments on it; and made a big bow out of red fishnet to hang on our apartment door.
But what we did have was time.
My bosses' youngest son and his girlfriend came down for a week, so we took 4 whole days off to do nothing work-related. And it was good!

During those four days, we visited three different beaches, took an excursion to another little island, went snorkeling in some freshwater lagoons, and relaxed a lot. The best thing about it all was intentionally not focusing on work during vacation. It can be hard to not do that, especially when your life mostly consists of thinking about, planning for, talking about, and doing everything work related. But we did it! We refused to talk about work until the evening of the fourth day, and by the end of those four days, we all felt refreshed, rejuvinated, and ready to head back into all the lists of things still needing to be checked off before opening the home.

2015 has been a great year.
I've been to 6 different countries (including layovers in Japan and Canada), moved 4 times, and worked 4 different jobs.
It's been a crazy year of growing and learning about faith and trust.
A year of seeing dreams come alive and unfolding right before my very eyes.
This past year has been one full to the brim of changes and fulfillments, hellos and goodbyes, laughter and tears.
And above all, 2015 has been a year of learning to rest in God. Learning how to rest in the middle of all the changing and growing and moving and trusting, in the chaotic and the mundane, during burnout and boredom, and even when I have no clue what the next week will look like.

Since moving to the Dominican Republic in late October, I've experienced, like never before, seeing God go before us and opening doors and moving hearts to accomplish the work of His heart.
One gigantic example of that has been the house we will be using as our first safe home.
Finding a house that fits the criteria of Child Services requirements, in itself, was a big thing.
The next headache was getting the terms of the contract in place to where they needed to be, but of course God doesn't leave anything to chance and all that was resolved.
The next step was getting the renovations done - all the plumbing, electrical, painting, property fence, etc.
By the time we found the house then had the contract in place, it was nearing December and we were told several times that local contractors will not want to take on a new project in December. Our plan, and our budget, had been to buy the supplies in the DR and get volunteer contractors from the States to come do the actual work. But since we want to open the home in January, it proved to be impossible to get volunteers down on such short notice.

So many small miracles have been happening since then. Our very first job was to get a well pump in, because without a pump there was no way to check the plumbing system. The pump we had looked at was going to cost about $600, if I remember correctly. On our way to pick it up, we stopped at a different hardware store, just to see if there were some other price options for a good pump and found one for around $200. Ever since then, that hardware store has been one of our best friends! Not only do they normally have lower prices than any of their competition but they also often give our ministry discounted totals. On top of that, through connections, we've found contractors that started work right away and their labor prices have been much lower than we expected. In the end, pretty much all the work will be done by this first week of January, right inside the budget of the extra funds we raised for this specific project - and it's all been getting done in December! It's like God has enjoyed hearing people say, "That is going to be impossible." just so He can prove that He specialized in getting the impossible done.

The next step is getting the house completely furnished and the inside fitted out with tables, chairs, beds, kitchen supplies, bathroom suppliec, ets. - which has been the ongoing project for this week and next week. We can't get Child Services' approval or inspection done until the house is completely ready. There's a whole next step of agreements and documents that will need to be written up and put into place once their approval is through. For instance, we need to have a child protection order from the local judge for each girl in our care.
Sometimes, I think about all the things that have happened (like a 20 page programs description document that needed to be written and translated, and almost a dozen other policies that needed to be translated) and all the ways God has dispelled every fear and put to rest every wory; I think about the hours of lost sleep and days of reaching a burnout point; I think about the answers to all the prayers like our first two house moms with such compassionate hearts for the girls that they don't even know yet, and seeing the hardwork pay off; and I think of how He proves His love in the little things (like someone donating for a motorbike that I hardly had time to look for, let alone wonder where to finances would come from).

Then I look into the next week, next month, and have my lists of responsibilities, tasks, worries, and fears and wonder how this will get done or that will come through. I wonder about the roles of social worker and counselor and who will fill them; I wonder about learning center programs and how we'll develop them in the beginnning; and I wonder, how do I maintain perspective?

My dad called me on Christmas day to see if they could buy me a roundtrip ticket to MI over New Year's. At first, I didn't think it would work out, because the first week of January is the week we wrap up with all the inside furnishings and put on the final touches to getting the house done. However, he did find a ticket that allows me to get back on Monday afternoon, so I get to spend four days with part of my family who's gotten together this week.
It took me my surprise as I realized I was talking the DR as "home" and how even though I am enjoying the vacation, my focus is on what's happening there. That brought with it the answer to perspective that I was looking for.

We all know what Christmas is - the birth of Christ, the only hope for a broken and dying world. Many times, I've wondered what it felt like for Jesus when He first left His perfect, beautiful home to come live in the comparison of a dump. Throughout the entire life of Jesus, His goal, His focus, was always to do the will of His Father. It didn't matter where He was or who He was speaking to or what He was doing - His life was lived in the perspective of His relationship with His Father, my Father.
Christmas, our reason to rejoice, was God's greatest sacrifice. And He did it willlingly, because He love us so, so much that possibility of having us accept His gift and grow a relationship with Him and spend eternity with Him was big enough to make the sacrifice worth it. His love for us is so undeniable that He willingly gave up the best to live in the worst just to prove that He loves us.
So in light of that - in light of Christmas and what it truly means, I have found my perspective. The perspective of living my life, learning to know the heart of the Father.
I think about the girls. I think about the brothels and streets corners where they are working right now. I think about their stories of abandoment and dispair and the utter neglect they experience.
I think about the hope they will discover and the love they will encounter. I think about the value they will learn their lives have.
Because it's not about ourselves. It's about Christmas. And all the reasons that Christmas happened 2,000 years ago.

Sitting here at the beginning of a fresh new year, I am filled with so much anticipation and excitement to see how close we are to opening the doors to the first girls rescued out of the horrific conditions of sex trafficking and human slave labor. Please continue to be praying for the processes to be completed swiftly so the year 2016 can be a year of hope for these precious lives!


For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
~Isaiah 9:6