When I wrote "Part 1" last week I had no idea if there would be any interest in this particular subject. I only wanted to share some things that God has been teaching me this summer, because for some reason, He impressed on my heart very strongly to write about it. Surprisingly (to me at least), there has been more feedback (on links to my social media sites and from people on my email list) on this than any other post since "A Bad Day" - people asking when the next post will be up or commenting on how well they relate to what I wrote.
But as I sit here trying to formulate words to continue with this little dialog, I very honestly don't know where to start! It took me more than month to complete Part 1, and I must admit that I was kind of hoping the interest would be minimal enough to let Part 2 go for several weeks, at least. (I almost didn't include the 'coming soon' part at the bottom last time, just in case I needed an out :/ )
I don't know what you expected; I don't know exactly how this is going to play out; but my prayer, as always, is that whatever I write would honor God and encourage you. So, here goes...
Last time -
"...Among many, many other things, God has been teaching me how I've let those three bold- faced definitions define my single life up til this year. And I pray that I can somehow put into words an explanation that opens your eyes to the way we allow ourselves to define who we are instead of letting God define who we are. It's a long road to learning that lesson. It's one that holds many different twists and turns - one that needs to be learned many different times in life in many different ways and areas of life. But I'm hoping that you'll join me for this little detour that will, hopefully, benefit your relationship with Christ the way it has mine."
Continuing -
I'm pretty independent. It should be pretty obvious with the whole 'living in another country for a year' thing! I love to travel; I love to explore; I love to learn and try new things...
I'm also pretty competitive. I compete with myself when there's no one else around to compete with! I want to go skydiving; I want to go bungee jumping; I want go rock climbing (the 'ropes and cliffs' kind)...
I love to test limits and I absolutely love a challenge!
To address Bold-Faced Definition Number 1 - "...[I'm] one of those singles who..."
Gets annoyed at people who think I don't have a life
I do have a life.
I have hopes, dreams, and lots and lots of goals - most of which go further, much further, than just a search for adventure. The above list of things I love and want to do are pretty minimal to me compared to what I aim to do - e.g. counseling troubled teens; making a difference in the lives of victims of the sex-trafficking slave trade; leading missions teams overseas; always being involved in music ministry of some kind...
How have I let it define my single life? That's kind of a tough question for me - it takes a stab at my pride :(
The answer goes beyond this paragraph and lies in the rest of this blog entry. Even tho I've broken it into parts, it's all just one big story, really.
When I was 14, I made this commitment (after praying and fasting and making sure I would be open to changing if it wasn't a good commitment at the counsel of others). The commitment was to not get involved in any romantic relationship before I was 20. It was something that I felt God wanted me to do - something meant for my own personal relationship with Him. I don't go around telling every teenager to do the same thing and I don't think I'm more spiritual than anyone else who does something different. But I benefited a LOT from that simple commitment. During my teenage years, while some girls were caught up in trying to figure out which guy was 'the one', determined to get married as soon as possible, or battling emotional battles brought on by worry and preoccupation about what this or that guy thought about her, I found a certain freedom in "well, nothing's gonna happen for me before 'years' from now, so I might as well just enjoy my life and be friends with everyone". It didn't make me immune to what I call 'the typical teenage (hormonal) turmoil' but it did simplify things for me; it helped put the way I viewed guys around me into the perspective of friends and even brothers without the extra anxiety.
In the mean time, something else also happened, though. My focus shifted - ever so slightly.
It wasn't a bad focus really. But as I grew up, it defined more of my life than it should have.
It was a focus of proving that I could do 'it' - whatever 'it' was!
To address Bold-Faced Definition Number 2 - "...[I'm] one of those singles who..."
Would be ok (seriously, definitely ok!) with never getting married
I had the wonderful privilege of growing up with a core group of friends who were serious about their relationships with Christ. That influence greatly encouraged my own walk with God and deepened my desire to know Him better.
In spite of that however, subtly (ever so subtly) at the times I didn't pay attention or just wrote it off as something else, pride seeped in. Not-so-deep down, I knew it was happening - I just didn't want to admit it. I felt like (in some odd, dumb, weird way) I was better than 'everyone' else. It affected some of the friendships I had, but again, I didn't want to admit that it was actually a problem.
You see, I would see my friends working through 'the typical teenage turmoil' and like the Pharisee in Luke 18, "thank God that I wasn't like them." Let me explain - I've never regretted making that commitment and like I said before, gained so much from it - grew in ways I don't know if I could have without it (it was a personal - for me - commitment). I didn't think less of my friends than I should have. My focus wasn't way off - just slightly. But because of that subtle pride-seeping, a little place in my heart became calloused.
I really am ok (seriously, definitely ok) with never getting married. I have been for a long time. But that little calloused part of my heart started growing into more. I hid behind who I was defining myself to be - a confident, independent, goal-achieving single woman. One who could prove that I could do 'it' - that being single is ok.
So much so, that it recently reached the point of going from being 'ok with never getting married' to 'why would I ever even want to get married - what's the point?'
(Stay tuned for Part 3 - coming very soon!)
But as I sit here trying to formulate words to continue with this little dialog, I very honestly don't know where to start! It took me more than month to complete Part 1, and I must admit that I was kind of hoping the interest would be minimal enough to let Part 2 go for several weeks, at least. (I almost didn't include the 'coming soon' part at the bottom last time, just in case I needed an out :/ )
I don't know what you expected; I don't know exactly how this is going to play out; but my prayer, as always, is that whatever I write would honor God and encourage you. So, here goes...
Last time -
"...Among many, many other things, God has been teaching me how I've let those three bold- faced definitions define my single life up til this year. And I pray that I can somehow put into words an explanation that opens your eyes to the way we allow ourselves to define who we are instead of letting God define who we are. It's a long road to learning that lesson. It's one that holds many different twists and turns - one that needs to be learned many different times in life in many different ways and areas of life. But I'm hoping that you'll join me for this little detour that will, hopefully, benefit your relationship with Christ the way it has mine."
Continuing -
I'm pretty independent. It should be pretty obvious with the whole 'living in another country for a year' thing! I love to travel; I love to explore; I love to learn and try new things...
I'm also pretty competitive. I compete with myself when there's no one else around to compete with! I want to go skydiving; I want to go bungee jumping; I want go rock climbing (the 'ropes and cliffs' kind)...
I love to test limits and I absolutely love a challenge!
To address Bold-Faced Definition Number 1 - "...[I'm] one of those singles who..."
Gets annoyed at people who think I don't have a life
I do have a life.
I have hopes, dreams, and lots and lots of goals - most of which go further, much further, than just a search for adventure. The above list of things I love and want to do are pretty minimal to me compared to what I aim to do - e.g. counseling troubled teens; making a difference in the lives of victims of the sex-trafficking slave trade; leading missions teams overseas; always being involved in music ministry of some kind...
How have I let it define my single life? That's kind of a tough question for me - it takes a stab at my pride :(
The answer goes beyond this paragraph and lies in the rest of this blog entry. Even tho I've broken it into parts, it's all just one big story, really.
When I was 14, I made this commitment (after praying and fasting and making sure I would be open to changing if it wasn't a good commitment at the counsel of others). The commitment was to not get involved in any romantic relationship before I was 20. It was something that I felt God wanted me to do - something meant for my own personal relationship with Him. I don't go around telling every teenager to do the same thing and I don't think I'm more spiritual than anyone else who does something different. But I benefited a LOT from that simple commitment. During my teenage years, while some girls were caught up in trying to figure out which guy was 'the one', determined to get married as soon as possible, or battling emotional battles brought on by worry and preoccupation about what this or that guy thought about her, I found a certain freedom in "well, nothing's gonna happen for me before 'years' from now, so I might as well just enjoy my life and be friends with everyone". It didn't make me immune to what I call 'the typical teenage (hormonal) turmoil' but it did simplify things for me; it helped put the way I viewed guys around me into the perspective of friends and even brothers without the extra anxiety.
In the mean time, something else also happened, though. My focus shifted - ever so slightly.
It wasn't a bad focus really. But as I grew up, it defined more of my life than it should have.
It was a focus of proving that I could do 'it' - whatever 'it' was!
To address Bold-Faced Definition Number 2 - "...[I'm] one of those singles who..."
Would be ok (seriously, definitely ok!) with never getting married
I had the wonderful privilege of growing up with a core group of friends who were serious about their relationships with Christ. That influence greatly encouraged my own walk with God and deepened my desire to know Him better.
In spite of that however, subtly (ever so subtly) at the times I didn't pay attention or just wrote it off as something else, pride seeped in. Not-so-deep down, I knew it was happening - I just didn't want to admit it. I felt like (in some odd, dumb, weird way) I was better than 'everyone' else. It affected some of the friendships I had, but again, I didn't want to admit that it was actually a problem.
You see, I would see my friends working through 'the typical teenage turmoil' and like the Pharisee in Luke 18, "thank God that I wasn't like them." Let me explain - I've never regretted making that commitment and like I said before, gained so much from it - grew in ways I don't know if I could have without it (it was a personal - for me - commitment). I didn't think less of my friends than I should have. My focus wasn't way off - just slightly. But because of that subtle pride-seeping, a little place in my heart became calloused.
I really am ok (seriously, definitely ok) with never getting married. I have been for a long time. But that little calloused part of my heart started growing into more. I hid behind who I was defining myself to be - a confident, independent, goal-achieving single woman. One who could prove that I could do 'it' - that being single is ok.
So much so, that it recently reached the point of going from being 'ok with never getting married' to 'why would I ever even want to get married - what's the point?'
(Stay tuned for Part 3 - coming very soon!)
Proverbs 24:6 For by wise counsel you will wage your own war, And in a multitude of counselors there is safety.
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