The Road of Singleness - Part 3

If this is your first time visiting my blog - 
1. I'm finishing up the last part in a series (of sorts) that doesn't relate to my previous 'normal' blogging 
2. You should probably read parts 1 and 2 for everything to make sense
3. My normal posts, so far, are updates on the missions work I'm currently doing in Guatemala
4. Feel free to explore the site for more information on anything! 


Getting back to the topic at hand!

Last time -

"...I've never regretted making that commitment and like I said before, gained so much from it - grew in ways I don't know if I could have without it (it was a personal - for me - commitment). I didn't think less of my friends than I should have. My focus wasn't way off - just slightly. But because of that subtle pride-seeping, a little place in my heart became calloused. 
... [it] started growing into more. I hid behind who I was defining myself to be - a confident, independent, goal-achieving single woman. One who could prove that I could do 'it' - that being single is ok. 
So much so, that it recently reached the point of going from being 'ok with never getting married' to 'why would I ever even want to get married - what's the point?' "

Continuing -

To address Bold-Faced Definition Number 3 - "...[I'm] one of those singles who..."

Likes my life the way it is - so why change it?

"What is the point of marriage, God?" (gasp! did she actually ask that?!) 
Yes, I did. 
I've seen good marriages - the kind where you see husband and wife working as a team, building each other up; the kind where you can't imagine one without the other; the kind that actually makes me want to get married. But sadly, there aren't very many. 
Too often I've seen marriages that are more of an existing partnership than a thriving couple. 
And I wonder - what's the point? 

When I asked that question (not so long ago), I was still defining myself - a confident, independent, goal-achieving single woman. I was proving that the single life was a good life. I was doing something I loved to do. I had plans for my future and I had dreams to pursue. 
I could understand that somewhere along the line, after several years, I would probably feel like something was missing - but, there's so much I want to do! So much that's easier without having to take into consideration someone else's opinion over every single little thing. So much that would actually make more sense and be more convenient as a single person. 
Why would I want to change a life I thoroughly enjoy for one that's filled with examples of how hurtful two people can be to one another?
After all, the apostle Paul himself was single - look at the great things he accomplished for Christ! He even encouraged singleness (1 Corinthians 7). 

"To be an example of how I love you." 
Sounds like a simple answer.
But is it really that simple? When men are commanded to love their wives "as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her" (Ephesians 5:25) it was one of the highest callings...ever. Think about it. Jesus died for His bride - a selfish, runaway bride at that. 


Now, I won't go into all the different Scripture passages and references that explain just how selfless marriage is supposed to be and exactly how much it is meant to be a living, breathing reflection of Christ. But I will leave you with this:

Single does not equal incomplete. 
It does not mean better. 
But it also doesn't mean worse. 
Singleness shouldn't be defined as some stage of life that, if you are faithful in 'this season', will be abolished by dreams coming true. 
Being single is being a person. 
It's true that we live life a bit (quite a bit) differently when we are single than married people do; but marriage shouldn't be some goal to be achieved. Just like rocking the single life shouldn't be some goal that defines our lives! 
Rather, "whatever you do, do everything as for the Lord and not for men." - Colossians 3:23. 
That's the whole point of life! Married or single. 
It doesn't take away the desires, or feelings, or need for God's direction about this particular subject. But it does give a greater purpose to life, no matter what box your status puts you in. 

I'm still a confident, independent, goal-achieving single woman. I'm still competitive, stubborn, and challenge-loving. I'm still doing something I love to do. I still have plans for my future and I still have dreams to pursue. But that's not my defining point anymore. 
It all boils down to doing and being what God calls me to. It doesn't matter where the road goes from here. I might end up doing everything I dream of doing. Or I might not. 
But, "whatever you do, do everything as for the Lord and not for men." means everything - every. single. little. thing  :)  

The Road of Singleness - Part 2

When I wrote "Part 1" last week I had no idea if there would be any interest in this particular subject. I only wanted to share some things that God has been teaching me this summer, because for some reason, He impressed on my heart very strongly to write about it. Surprisingly (to me at least), there has been more feedback (on links to my social media sites and from people on my email list) on this than any other post since "A Bad Day" - people asking when the next post will be up or commenting on how well they relate to what I wrote. 
But as I sit here trying to formulate words to continue with this little dialog, I very honestly don't know where to start! It took me more than month to complete Part 1, and I must admit that I was kind of hoping the interest would be minimal enough to let Part 2 go for several weeks, at least. (I almost didn't include the 'coming soon' part at the bottom last time, just in case I needed an out :/ )
I don't know what you expected; I don't know exactly how this is going to play out; but my prayer, as always, is that whatever I write would honor God and encourage you. So, here goes...


Last time - 

"...Among many, many other things, God has been teaching me how I've let those three bold- faced definitions define my single life up til this year. And I pray that I can somehow put into words an explanation that opens your eyes to the way we allow ourselves to define who we are instead of letting God define who we are. It's a long road to learning that lesson. It's one that holds many different twists and turns - one that needs to be learned many different times in life in many different ways and areas of life. But I'm hoping that you'll join me for this little detour that will, hopefully, benefit your relationship with Christ the way it has mine."


Continuing -

I'm pretty independent. It should be pretty obvious with the whole 'living in another country for a year' thing! I love to travel; I love to explore; I love to learn and try new things... 
I'm also pretty competitive. I compete with myself when there's no one else around to compete with! I want to go skydiving; I want to go bungee jumping; I want go rock climbing (the 'ropes and cliffs' kind)... 
I love to test limits and I absolutely love a challenge!

To address Bold-Faced Definition Number 1 - "...[I'm] one of those singles who..."

Gets annoyed at people who think I don't have a life

I do have a life. 
I have hopes, dreams, and lots and lots of goals - most of which go further, much further, than just a search for adventure. The above list of things I love and want to do are pretty minimal to me compared to what I aim to do - e.g. counseling troubled teens; making a difference in the lives of victims of the sex-trafficking slave trade; leading missions teams overseas; always being involved in music ministry of some kind...

How have I let it define my single life? That's kind of a tough question for me - it takes a stab at my pride :( 
The answer goes beyond this paragraph and lies in the rest of this blog entry. Even tho I've broken it into parts, it's all just one big story, really. 

When I was 14, I made this commitment (after praying and fasting and making sure I would be open to changing if it wasn't a good commitment at the counsel of others). The commitment was to not get involved in any romantic relationship before I was 20. It was something that I felt God wanted me to do - something meant for my own personal relationship with Him. I don't go around telling every teenager to do the same thing and I don't think I'm more spiritual than anyone else who does something different. But I benefited a LOT from that simple commitment. During my teenage years, while some girls were caught up in trying to figure out which guy was 'the one', determined to get married as soon as possible, or battling emotional battles brought on by worry and preoccupation about what this or that guy thought about her, I found a certain freedom in "well, nothing's gonna happen for me before 'years' from now, so I might as well just enjoy my life and be friends with everyone". It didn't make me immune to what I call 'the typical teenage (hormonal) turmoil' but it did simplify things for me; it helped put the way I viewed guys around me into the perspective of friends and even brothers without the extra anxiety. 

In the mean time, something else also happened, though. My focus shifted - ever so slightly. 
It wasn't a bad focus really. But as I grew up, it defined more of my life than it should have. 
It was a focus of proving that I could do 'it' - whatever 'it' was!


To address Bold-Faced Definition Number 2 - "...[I'm] one of those singles who..."

Would be ok (seriously, definitely ok!) with never getting married

I had the wonderful privilege of growing up with a core group of friends who were serious about their relationships with Christ. That influence greatly encouraged my own walk with God and deepened my desire to know Him better. 
In spite of that however, subtly (ever so subtly) at the times I didn't pay attention or just wrote it off as something else, pride seeped in. Not-so-deep down, I knew it was happening - I just didn't want to admit it. I felt like (in some odd, dumb, weird way) I was better than 'everyone' else. It affected some of the friendships I had, but again, I didn't want to admit that it was actually a problem. 
You see, I would see my friends working through 'the typical teenage turmoil' and like the Pharisee in Luke 18, "thank God that I wasn't like them." Let me explain - I've never regretted making that commitment and like I said before, gained so much from it - grew in ways I don't know if I could have without it (it was a personal - for me - commitment). I didn't think less of my friends than I should have. My focus wasn't way off - just slightly. But because of that subtle pride-seeping, a little place in my heart became calloused. 
I really am ok (seriously, definitely ok) with never getting married. I have been for a long time. But that little calloused part of my heart started growing into more. I hid behind who I was defining myself to be - a confident, independent, goal-achieving single woman. One who could prove that I could do 'it' - that being single is ok. 
So much so, that it recently reached the point of going from being 'ok with never getting married' to 'why would I ever even want to get married - what's the point?' 


(Stay tuned for Part 3 - coming very soon!) 

The Road of Singleness - Part 1

"Congratulations!!!"
A word that seems to be in my vocabulary a lot these days. Engaged. Married. Pregnant. The weird part for me is realizing that some of these friends are my age or younger. It makes me feel old...

Three of my siblings and one of my life-long best friends got married within a 2 1/2 years' span in the last 3 years. During that time up to the present, a lot (tho not all) of my friends-since-the-teen years have gotten married or are in serious relationships heading that way. It's a normal occurrence to hear "such and such are finally dating - you know what that means" or "did you know 'recently married' just found out they're pregnant?"
Weddings - every year. And I often have the privilege of helping out with, pretty much, any given job. I've decided to check into becoming a wedding-planner because of all the mental notes I've taken at friends' weddings on how certain things could be done a little differently to fit different tastes. Plus, I love organizing and making order out of chaos! Trust me. If a wedding isn't planned well, it's very chaotic. I know!

Me? I'm 20 years old. Never had a boyfriend. Yup! No, I don't feel left out. And I don't look at every single guy out there as a potential future significant other (or even potential date, for that matter), either.
But, you see, I'm a little strange - well, out-of-the-norm anyway! I'm one of those singles. One of those who...

1. Gets annoyed at people who think I don't have a life

I wholeheartedly agree with blogs written by some of those other singles asking 'the rest of the world' to please just realize that we are happy right where we're at and not all of us are walking around feeling lost or incomplete.

2. Would be ok (seriously, definitely ok!) with never getting married

I've balked at the very idea of me (me?) ever getting married. Seriously - there's so much to see and do that is easier (and better?) without having to take another person into consideration. Yes, that's a kind of selfish way of thinking, but... it's true isn't it? Beyond that, though, I have so much more time to dedicate to my relationship with Christ than if I'd have a significant other.

3. Likes my life the way it is - so why change it?

If I would be in a committed (human) relationship, I'd have to re-prioritize my time, thinking, plans, etc. - basically, my whole life. Why would I want to change a life I thoroughly enjoy for one that's filled with examples of how hurtful two people can be to one another?

Now, at this point, most of those 'blogs written by some of those other singles' would go into depth explaining how using the time God has given us during this season to learn skills and life principles, pursue goals and dreams, grow spiritually and emotionally, and all kinds of other things that would be (nearly) impossible (or much more difficult) otherwise is actually an amazing experience.
They would, generally, also go further to encourage other singles (the ones who get discouraged when they see all their friends in committed relationships but 'the right one' doesn't seem to be anywhere in their own lives) to put the extra time and energy into becoming 'the right one' and pursuing a relationship with Christ that will outlast any human relationship ever.
Commonly, they would ask the married ones to please realize that we do have a life, then give them some tips on how to relate to singles in an encouraging way without being pushy. They would explain that yes, sometimes it is hard for us to see 'everyone else' walking a path without us, but we are still relatable in other areas of life.

All the above things are great topics worth mentioning and discussing. In fact, I recommend reading several if you've never read 'one of those blogs'. If you're a discouraged single, it will give you great tools to apply to your life where you're at right now. If you're one of those singles, it will let you know you're not too weird or alone, besides giving you great encouragement. If you're a married person, it will give you ways to relate to the singles in your life and open your eyes to some of the struggles (and annoyances) we face. (google it - you'll find something; or ask a single near you - they probably know of one or two)

But, like I mentioned earlier, I'm a little strange. I'll leave those topics and discussions to other singles (or previously singles) who can explain it all much better than I can. I'm gonna take a little detour.
Among many, many other things, God has been teaching me how I've let those three bold-faced definitions define my single life up til this year. And I pray that I can somehow put into words an explanation that opens your eyes to the way we allow ourselves to define who we are instead of letting God define who we are. It's a long road to learning that lesson. It's one that holds many different twists and turns - one that needs to be learned many different times in life in many different ways and areas of life. But I'm hoping that you'll join me for this little detour that will, hopefully, benefit your relationship with Christ the way it has mine.

Although I've titled it 'The Road of Singleness', married people are invited to join! You might find it more interesting than you expect ;)

(Stay tuned for part 2 - coming soon)

Repost: Being a Witness

This month marks a year since I set up this blog. So, to celebrate that mile-marker "Life is a Journey..." has gotten a complete makeover and I am re-posting the very first blog entry that was published on alifewithadestination.blogspot.com! 
Enjoy browsing through the new look and make sure to check out the other tabs - especially the updated pics on the 'My Family' tab! 

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What does it mean to be a witness for Christ?
Some Christians define witnessing as going to a Dowtown Streetcorner on a weekend, passing out tracts, and sharing the Gospel with anyone who walks past. Then, after several hours of "witnessing" maybe grab some coffee or pizza on the way home, talk over the night's happenings with other believers who were out doing the same thing, and pray for the souls that heard the Truth of God while they were "witnessing for Christ."
Others say we were called to be witnesses to the "uttermost parts of the earth." So, they sell all they have, buy a plane ticket to the Dark Interior, learn a foreign language, work on translating the Bible into that language, give up all of the comforts of 'Suburbia' to trek muddy mountains trails, and "witness" to the lost souls in the surrounding regions.
Disclaimer: I am not saying these things are bad! Getting the Truth of God and His Word out is a very important task, and there should be more of us, who believe this truth, going out to "the highways and byways and compelling them to come in."
But, several weeks ago a young missionary family to Africa visited a church not too far from where I live, and Mr. Missionary explained the definition of being a witness for Christ is such a simple, clear, yet powerful way. 

In a legal proceeding, when a witness is called to the stand, he is not asked to give his opinion on the circumstance or say how he thinks the jury or judge should view this case. He is only called on to state the facts of what he saw (or witnessed). That's it! State the facts, present the truth. It is not up to him to convince or judge. In the same way, as witnesses for Christ, we are only to state the facts "of Jesus Christ and the power of His resurrection." And if we are walking and living in the Spirit, our very lives are witnesses of His truth. We can share examples of a promise-keeping God through what He's done in and through our own lives and circumstances. God is real! It is up to Him to convince and judge; we are only the witnesses. Not only at those times when we have one-on-one truth presenting conversations with someone who needs hope, but every day and in every situation we are called to be a witness for an all-powerful, all-loving Father.
So, Christian, are you being one?

Homesick

At first, I just didn't have as much energy as I usually do. It lasted for several days and I couldn't figure out why. 

Then came the emotional chaos. 

Several times I found myself almost snapping at people or dealing with a minor situation in a not-so-tactful way. I could be laughing at something, then several minutes later be wishing that I didn't have to be around anyone.  

Then...one night I found myself sitting on my carpet in my bedroom crying. You need to understand: I'm not a very 'emotional' person. Oh, I feel very deeply - I'm just more of a 'head' person. I usually reason by facts and am not usually emotionally up and down. It takes a lot to make me cry.

The reason I was crying was very small; in fact, I don't even remember why! What I do remember is that images of the people at home started flooding through my head. The fact that I wouldn't be able to attend the wedding of two of my friends in October suddenly seemed like an even bigger deal than before. 

As I sat there, talking with God and looking for an explanation as to what was happening with me, it hit me - I was homesick. For the first time in my life, I was homesick. It took almost a whole week of 'off kilter feelings' before I realized what was going on!

My reasoning side came into play again and I wondered - why was it hitting me so hard if I've only been here for a little over 4 months? Wait - it's been way more than 4 months. I've actually been gone since October, with a one month break in March when our family went home for my brother's wedding. That month back was filled with wedding plans then travel plans for me to return to Central America. 

So, I guess I did have a reason to feel homesick. 

But, I learned something!

As long as we're living on Earth, there will be many times that homesickness will hit when we least expect it. 

Which is why our relationship with Christ holds so much hope. 

One day, I will leave my physical body behind. One day, everything I'm doing now will stop. One day, I will quit breathing. 

Earthly life is temporary just like me living here in Guatemala is temporary. On the same day we exhale our last lungful of Earthly air we will take our first lungful of eternal air. As a Christian, it's such a special fact for me. It's a hope of knowing that one day all the hard days will end and I will be going to a permanent home to live with the One who makes this temporary life worth living. I will get to spend every day in the same home as my Best Friend and One who gave everything to show me what true love is. 

The day I get to meet Jesus Christ is the day I will truly be home - a home that I'll never have to leave again! 

"For here we have no lasting city (home) but we seek the city (home) that is to come." Hebrews 13:14 

P.S. A special "thank you" to several of my family members and friends who stayed up (very) late to chat - you know who you are :) I am blessed!